i'll try to live for myself

Do u know the feelin of cryin? It's kind of sobbin. And the worst is, u can't even breath..

I really don't know how many billions time i cried today.
The feelin of depressed just comin ahead. I felt so, san fu. I cannot stand anymore. And i don't know what the hell is happenin on myself.. Sometimes i just wanted to rest, but the faith always don't let me do..

Today,
i argue with my mum. For really A LOT times. Even just for those stupidly small matters. I feel so difficult on living. It's really hard to live as human. Sometimes i do think, how good if i'm just an animal? Animals live for nothin. They don't need to care on everythin lik humans past through. Their life don't need to think. Compare to humans, i wonder what's the purpose for us on livin? For family? friends? lovers? or maybe ownself? Money?

Watchin sad shows made me feel even sad. But it's really a relief on cryin, HARDLY. Just use all your strength on cryin, when it's needed. Like what i did today. i cry, and cry. Today i really felt the true feelin of cryin.

Sometimes life even full of disappointment.
I copied this sentence from her. Even she never mentioned how sad was she. But i can feel it. Even i don't know how was her result. BUt i know, how disappointed was her. Helly sad. I felt so too.
OH CONGRATZ!!! It is really that good? But why i don't find any point of happiness. What so happy? I'm not satisfy.

Hell look at me?!?!
It is the last day of 2007. See what i did for this year.
I went school. I had new class. I made new friends. I had a new life. I had a new startin. I had a nice new year. I met him. I fell in luv. I had wonderful time.I went crazy for him. I got misunderstands by others. I got hurt. I gave up. I being hated by people. I started to feet numb. I felt sad. I don't trust on love anymore. I knew who was my true friends. I knew who was fake. I met leng zhais. I met crushes. I felt being chased by people. I rejected people. I hurted people. I felt guilty. I try hard on studyin. I went through PMR. I have my own gang of friends. I felt the happiness for others. I wished for alot of things. I got my results. I went out everyday on holidays. I had the CRAZIEST and happiest christmas ever.

And now, it's the last day of my form3 life. Isn't it too fast? I went through a lot of things for this year, and i understood a lot of things. This made me grow mature. I know what to do for myself.

And i promise myself, i'll try to become happy.


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