2008!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
It's another brand new year, let's welcome the 2008.
Happy happy 2008, finally i'm 16. SWEET SWEET 16 XD!!!

So far, today is my best new year. I went back around 2, with my crazy gang. The stupid-est people XD. yeng man. It was syok to bully fei hoong. NGEK NGEKZ..
But the price is, i was being scolded by my mum, peh peh full. haiz. Cause i don't have the key ma, really ma fan >.<

Yeahhh tomorrow can sleep til 12!!! XD, syok man. Afternoon den goin out again . Nice new year :)

I WAN W580I!!!
Hope my dad is free tommorow @.@

WISH ME LUCK YEA GUYS,
HAVE A NICE DAY~~


01218

i'll try to live for myself

Do u know the feelin of cryin? It's kind of sobbin. And the worst is, u can't even breath..

I really don't know how many billions time i cried today.
The feelin of depressed just comin ahead. I felt so, san fu. I cannot stand anymore. And i don't know what the hell is happenin on myself.. Sometimes i just wanted to rest, but the faith always don't let me do..

Today,
i argue with my mum. For really A LOT times. Even just for those stupidly small matters. I feel so difficult on living. It's really hard to live as human. Sometimes i do think, how good if i'm just an animal? Animals live for nothin. They don't need to care on everythin lik humans past through. Their life don't need to think. Compare to humans, i wonder what's the purpose for us on livin? For family? friends? lovers? or maybe ownself? Money?

Watchin sad shows made me feel even sad. But it's really a relief on cryin, HARDLY. Just use all your strength on cryin, when it's needed. Like what i did today. i cry, and cry. Today i really felt the true feelin of cryin.

Sometimes life even full of disappointment.
I copied this sentence from her. Even she never mentioned how sad was she. But i can feel it. Even i don't know how was her result. BUt i know, how disappointed was her. Helly sad. I felt so too.
OH CONGRATZ!!! It is really that good? But why i don't find any point of happiness. What so happy? I'm not satisfy.

Hell look at me?!?!
It is the last day of 2007. See what i did for this year.
I went school. I had new class. I made new friends. I had a new life. I had a new startin. I had a nice new year. I met him. I fell in luv. I had wonderful time.I went crazy for him. I got misunderstands by others. I got hurt. I gave up. I being hated by people. I started to feet numb. I felt sad. I don't trust on love anymore. I knew who was my true friends. I knew who was fake. I met leng zhais. I met crushes. I felt being chased by people. I rejected people. I hurted people. I felt guilty. I try hard on studyin. I went through PMR. I have my own gang of friends. I felt the happiness for others. I wished for alot of things. I got my results. I went out everyday on holidays. I had the CRAZIEST and happiest christmas ever.

And now, it's the last day of my form3 life. Isn't it too fast? I went through a lot of things for this year, and i understood a lot of things. This made me grow mature. I know what to do for myself.

And i promise myself, i'll try to become happy.


0304

幸福？

忽然觉得好寂寞。。。家里没人，又很特别安静。。。
顿时让我体会到静的恐怖。。。这种感觉不好受。。。
也很忽然的，我好想要一个男朋友，一个真正会关心我，问候我，在意我的男朋友。X_X
难道我的要求会很过分吗？
眼见我朋友们一个一个的幸福，顿时觉得很羡慕，也很妒嫉。。。如果我也可以这么幸福，那有多好啊？
我只想为自己争取那一点点的幸福。。。就算是一刹哪，也无所谓。。。
我真的累了。。。有时真的需要一个人愿意得陪我，一起吵，一起闹。。。


幸福？
我真的能得到你吗？

F-i-n-a-l-l-y

Early early in the morning, 1030[i mean it's early for me la], woke up cause of someone's message. swt. I somomore planned to sleep until 12+ de=.=. But nvm la, it's from him =).
I don't even get the result yet, but my phone, kept ringin and ringin.
" How was your result? How many A do u get."
Then i was just, "uhm, no idea. [smillin forcinly]"
LOL, i wonder why those peoples are more care of my results rather than i?

ok then,
about 11, i walked to school, with my perfect pj shirt, nervously, straight to the school.. the feelin of scary runnin towards me. I reached school, jusst saw some UM's friend, ei jane they all.
WHERE IS WAN TING? she went school at RIGHT 10!
WHERE IS PEARL? she just told me she reached.
ok, then i keep callin for them. Yuan lai our paliah school will only get at 12.30. Pearl back home liao. THEN, WAN TING LE? she's not at home either. So where's her? after for callin and callin, she still didn't pick up my phone. Finally i found her by callin his husband. They at father's house.
SWT.

Ok it's a little accident.
Let's continue the scary part.
TICK TAK TICK TAK, i can feel the time's passin second by second..
12.30!!!
i walked to school with jiunn bin. On the way we're tryin to calm each other down.
we saw many people takin their results walkin home. DAMN I'M SCARED!!
Finally reached school.
My legs are tryin to slow down, yet but feel lik runnin. [really confusin]
i walk to the canteen. I saw wan ting they all finally.

HEART BEATS CRAZYILY FAST.
it's goin faster and faster, i can't even breath.
I saw the teacher then, she gave us my cert first, the first want was BM ora. Before that i thought it was result. C C C B~~
"HUH! CCCD? "WAT SUBJECT IS THAT? i start to worry.
Then i see a little more cleally, CHEH it was oral cert. HAK SEI NGO MEH.=.=.
"aiyo scare wat la, our whole class bm oral test also the same la. zzz" from wan ting
stupid teacher. purposely de.
Then yet, the maria somemore don't want to give me my result! I WAS NERVOUS LIKE HELL MAN.
" Yee theng, mengapa? byk C la, ada D juga! teruknya" stupid teacher playin trick on me again, deng? thought i not enough nervous meh.
My hand keep tremblin and tremblin while signin..

I SAW MY RESULT FINALLY.
song le yi kou qi.



0026

SCARED AR

FUIYOOOOOO~!!!!
tomorrow gonna take results. SIAO SIA!! so fast for what? haiz, so damn scare man @.@
I can't imagine my result, i don't want to face the truth, ughhh~~~ S C A R E D !!!

D-A-M-N-I-T!
really hope tomorrow i won't meet anyone there, and nobody will ask me about my result. P L E A S E !!! arghhhh!!!
IT'S TOMORROW?!?!
WHY can the time past so fast huh?
i dont even ready for it, I'M NOT READY FOR IT MAN!!! i'm not confident at all.. u know?
haiz.
haiz.
haiz.
haiz.
haiz.

ARGH

Tokin to him again made me feel very scare..
I'm sooo scare..
i really really hope...........
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
gonna crazy man!!!!
HE HATES ME? IZZIT?


0123

噩梦。。。

噩梦。。。
是噩梦……
昨天晚上，我发了一个很恐怖的梦，并不是什么见鬼还是被野兽追。。。而是，我永永远远的失去了他……
在梦里，我并没有哭，但整个人已经没有感觉了。。。麻木了……就好像行尸走肉那样……我很紧张……
我见到他和第二个女子走开了……而我，也永远在也不能和他在一起……这种感觉，真的好恐怖。。。我不断的打自己，希望这是一场梦，但奇怪的是，我居然感觉到‘痛’……真得很痛。。。
难道……我真得不能没有他吗？？？

1318

彩虹 - Jay chou

彩虹 - Jay chou

I did cried after hearin this song. SOOO touchinnn..

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静
所有云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕
没有理由我也能自己走

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白
看不见你的笑
要我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开那能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

XD?

I don't know whether i'm still likin him or what. Sometimes my brain automatic thinks of him but i guess it's not that deep anymore. LOL. Cause i didn't feel anythin special on talkin to him anymore. It's no big deal if i never talk to him for the whole week. Now i'd prefer spendin time with my bloody friends XD. At least it's funnier. RIGHT?

Maybe i don't like him anymore? i'm so not sure. But 1 thing i'm very sure. I'm very appreciate and happy with my current situation. I don't wanna change it. Maybe now is better gua?

YEAHH goes to the topic of party!!! All of our ga gi langs are being invited to my house. On 24th of december, christmas eve, a countdown party XD. My whole family wont be at home yeah yeah!! So damn can't wait for it man!!!


2120

Syok syok SYOK!!!

SYOK HABIS!!!
Today was my syok-est day after so long. XD.. SUANG AR!!!
It was my first time to sat on the space shot. It's scary yet EXCITIN! Me and my damnly brother, which been forced up to accompany me for 'enjoy' that by me XD, was waited for around an hour and half, only can get into that space spot. It's just SCREAMIN AND SCREAMIN i heard from others before we went up. When it go up that time i also start shoutin adi. But when it's goin to down, i can't shout that loud cause the pressure very high @_@. ANYWAY, I'M STILL ALL TIME SHOUTIN XD!! REALLY CHI KEK MAN!!!

Next, here goes roller coaster. There was many kinds of that, what flyin dragon la, cyclone and more la. We tried many kinds, but didn't get to try the scariest want, corkscrew, haiz. When my brother and i goin to line up for it, the person said it's too many people cannot adi, disappointment. NVM la, at least my 'DAN SIAO' mummy and the younger brother pui us sit the cyclone just after we enter the outdoor park XD. Then my younger brother keep sayin he don't wanna play adi after that, HAHA. And my mum ate 2 panadols after pui us sat that @_@. pity herrr.

After all, i guess the scariest thing is the flyin coaster, nehh the spiderman ar. But i never try that @_@. It's not that i don't dare la XD. When we line up for it de shi hou, reach us liao the person only tell us have to buy ticket which means add money to play, each person 12 bucks. Me and my brother then have to pay 24 bucks, then we ma just go away lo. But honestly la, i also don't really dare to sit that spiderman thing, SEE ALSO SCARE!!! i also kinda to sok sha when linin up. Somemore my brother scare i also scare, kong bu la. But i still NEVER regret on playin the space spot after that, HEHEHE, and feel lik playin again. BTW, the flyin coaster is somethin to let u lie on it, then when it starts the thing will TURN TURN TURN until u sot. Later haven come down then faint inside adi zzz. But next time when i go with my friends, I SURELY MUST TRY.. HMPH!!! SUI PA SUI!!!

Other than that, my beloved mummy also pui us sit the boat thing. It's called somthin lik sungai rejang flume ride, if i never wrong. Excitin also, when the boat comin down then i just pull my brother's shirt and SCREAMMMM!!! Somemore the boat thing didn't have somthin like belt de, it's just somethin to let u hold. When go up and go down that time really scary, u will feel like droppin into the water cause didn't have somethin to tie u up, but still syok la XD. LAstly Our shirts all gone wet after playin that, jackets also wet adi. My BUTT, i mean my jeans also gone wet.. zzz.

We played another stupid ship game at last. It's somethin to let u cycle,=.=. Don't know why my younger brother wan to play that noob ship rather then playin the other want with motor de. My legs gone CRAZY after cycling, got my meanin??? zzz..

Enough on mentionin outdoor la, let me tell u the boringness of INDOOR=.=. We went indoor before that. It was really zzz. Very sien wan le. We just kept walkin and don't know what to play. But anyway we also tried the stupid mo tian lun. Waste my time de. Now only i know genting's mo tian lun u have to call the people to stop it once u don't want to continue. We turned many rounds only know that, swt. damnly slow. But there's still somethin kinda nice to play de, the bumper car. Nice also le, i keep zhong people, SUANG NIA XD. Then others game all very stupid liao want, sit till i wanna sleep, slower than a tortoise.. zzz

WOW! i realised i wrote an ESSAY!!! LMAOXXXX!!! I think it's enough for today la, lazy to write liao. Tomorrow got badminton. GOOD NIGHT XD!!!



16 of dec, 2007
2243

Down?

What the heck?
Once again, i feel so down. just don't know why? Maybe.. miss him? i wonder.
i had tried my ever best to pass my days even happier. It seems to work when it's comin. When i spend time with my friends, especially hangin out. That's why i'm tryin my best not to stay at home as much as i can. Fillin up my day busy with activities will cure myself. i did felt happy with my crazy friends. i really did. When it's time with my friends, i'm so appreciate for every moments since i'm passin with my friends. i love them. at least they can make me laugh. i could forget everything when i'm with them. This shows the powerful of friendship. i thought that always. that's why i'm tryin to have as much time as possible to spend with them, rather then sittin home thinkin too much. It's fine to be at home actually, i can still spend my time with anime. But when the nights are comin, time for bed, then i will feel lonely. i do thought the happiness by them could helps me. But somehow when it comes quiet, when i'm alone, with nobody, just me, all myself, the feelin of depressed comes again. Sometimes i even feel like cryin, but it just like hidin inside shouldn't come out. i try on to watch some sad shows. Yeah i do felt released after cryin, i thought that i was ok. But after so, i found out it doesn't really work. Because after all, i will feel down again. Just purely sad.

Just hoped...................................................


0057

Today

Whole day outside today. Again the rainy day.
Tuition > Badminton > MEENAS for HOURS!!
Sometimes i hope everyday also like that, no need stay at home do nothin. It's much more better chattin with friends, then sittin at home thinkin too much.

Haix, tomorrow will be another borin day. i really hope to go out again. Just anywhere la. Pearl at tampin, wan ting went back home, only left me here @_@. cham.......................................

Will i able to control myself from gettin.......................................................................................................


???



2245

需要你的爱

F.i.r's new album.. -> 爱.歌姬

需要你的爱 by faye and ah xing. NICE!!! enjoy!! XD

当你选择了云的距离
就这么自私做个决定
冲破天际飞去
排山倒海崩塌的回忆
也许无刻袭击我的心
痛得不能自己

或许你以为把这一座城市抛开
就可以纠结伤害
却不明白

我需要你的爱
不管多少阻碍不求什么未来
不管命运会怎么安排
我会用眼泪洗去所有的不堪
狠狠地把心痛了断
深深地把一切重来

我需要你的爱像掉进了深海
也像坠落悬崖找不到地方可以逃开
别让那些谎言把爱给活埋
当心碎成一块一块
当爱碎曾一断一断
我会等待你的爱

我会等待(我会等待)

你将那些谎言把爱给活埋




0143

Got better?

Felt better today.
Maybe never talk to him better gua? At least.. don't know how to write it out in words la.. zz. I i need some times to think of what to do now. Should i?? SHOULD I??
Haiz, leave it for next week only think la.. zzz

That day he really made me angry. It's REAL ANGRY! I really hate those people when they fu him me. If u don't want to talk with me, why don't just tell me by givin some excuses? etc u could say u busy doin stuff or whatever. It's much more better then u reply me with 1 or 2 words. I hate THAT!! STUPID!! Somehow, he makes me feel so fan gan. Maybe one day i will become somebody who hates him to death. It's just a tiny fine line between the luvs and hates. Well, but i hope i will not. Please, don't treat me like this, it's hurt u know?

Well, stuffs about him are over.
Here also to say, sorry ya guys, sometimes my mood gone bad, then my face will suddenly change, i wonder if that scares u all @_@. lol. thanks for concerin (=
Izzit only friends will be forever compare to.. L.U.V?


Maybe?


0052

很乱

今天很开心。想通了很多事情，但同时，也开始confuse了。虽然我已决定要如何做了，但……却开始犹豫了……我该不该那么做呢？是不是对的呢？今天他对我很冷淡，虽然我明白了些事情，但，还是，不知道该如何说……

开始乱了……本来已决定好了的事情也开始便夸了，我始终都没有…………………………………………

My perfect day`~

Dear diary,

Today was so fun!!! It's been so long i never feel that HIGHH!!! We sang for 3 hours and more.. SHOUT SHOUT AND SHOUTNESS!!! And it's really really syok.. Till my throat also no voice le.. LOL!!! And we got 50% discount. only 10 bucks. Anyway, IT'S STILL THE NEXT TIME, CAUSE WE GOT ANOTHER VOUCHER!!!

Then we have a nice yet funny movie - ENCHANTED!!! The prince very dumb la.. zzz.. U will get what i say after u watch the movie.. HEHE..

Thxuss ya guys, given me such a nice day, i'm waitin for the another day like this. My mood feel better now.. PHEWWW...


2250

Dear diary..

Dear diary,

3rd of december.
Really really fast. Until i can't feel it's fastness. Well, maybe i'm kinda busy in this holiday. Almost everyday i goin out. Badminton la, movie la, shoppin la, ktv la, shabu shabu la....... AND TUITION!! So this holiday really goin fast. But i would hope the school's reopen can come faster. Stay at home is bloody borin. Even i havin frens around. lol.

I really don't know there was how many days i never talk to him. Everytime i feel like findin him, there's somethin could stop me, i don't know why. Really don't know why @_@. haiz. But i really really feel like smsin him, chattin with him, tellin him everythin of my stuff, and hearin everythin from him. I REALLY REALLY MISS HIM .........................................................................

Ok, no matther what i crappin here, he will just never knows, so.... i also don't know what to say about myself. continue my anime la.



2302
Monday