Me of today

Oh my god, it's just few days ago and i'm sitting here online huh??
Whatever, i should'nt study too much, it makes me feel more even stress, not from parents, but me myself.
I'm tryin my best to do everythin i can, but don't know why, i just cant concentrate on doing my things, example like when i'm studyin, my brain wanted to study but my heart does'nt want to. Now it's days ago, and i'm feelin nothing but nervous. The first day then is the worst subject of all, BM. Even the seminar teacher is giving me a lot of confidence but, i still don't think i can score a A for it. I really hoped to. I hoped everything would be perfect. I hoped pmr can pass faster. I hoped this and that. But what's the point for me to hope? It's so impossible for my target.

"Ok just stop thinkin everyhin and try to be relax"
a message for me and myself.


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I don't know what's on my mind and don't know what am i thinkin through, but i knew, it's impossible to forget everything about him, even i'm tryin my best to.
Sometimes i blamed myself for such stupidness, there was a lot of chance for me to give up, but i didn't choose to. I just hope to be just like now, nothing but just nothing, i don't want a bf now, i don't need to. I knew i can't. And i didn't hope to be like last time, maybe now is the best for me, who knows? i just hoped us to be happy with our life now. I just want to like him. Just, like. Purely. Maybe i wasn't suppose to fall in love with him, and he doesn't suppose to mean that much to me. But i don't mind it. I knew what am i doin. Maybe u guys will think i'm the idiot. But it's really ok for me. I didn't mean to want anything from him, not even a single thing, just let his life goes on as he wants, then it's enough. 顺其自然 is the best way ever. Cause i'm glad with my life now, even just to like him.



T h e e n d
0015, Friday, 28th of September